February is recognized as National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month. Dating violence is a significant and frequently overlooked problem impacting teens throughout the United States. Alarmingly, statistics show that about 1 in 3 teenagers experience violence in a dating relationship, and 1 in 3 homicides among girls aged 11-18 are perpetrated by an intimate partner.
Understanding the warning signs of dating abuse is crucial so that teens and those around them can detect unhealthy behaviors early. Identifying these red flags can help prevent further harm and provide support to those who may be experiencing abuse.
Warning Signs of Dating Abuse or Violence:
Isolation from Others
Your partner might attempt to cut you off from family, friends, or acquaintances. They could exhibit irrational jealousy and possessiveness, often checking up on you and insisting on knowing your whereabouts and who you were with.
Controlling Behavior
If your partner tries to dictate what you wear, whom you associate with, or where you go, it indicates possible abuse. They might make decisions for you without your input or issue commands about your actions.
Constant Demands for Attention
Your partner might require your full attention, even when it's not appropriate. This could involve incessantly texting or calling you and becoming upset if you don’t respond promptly.
Fear of Their Reaction
If you find yourself anxious about your partner’s reaction to what you say or do, it may indicate emotional manipulation or control.
Love Bombing
While showing affection is normal, "love bombing" involves over-the-top compliments, surprise video calls, constant communication, extravagant gifts, and calling you their “soulmate.” Initially flattering, this intense behavior is often a tactic for manipulation and control.
Guilt-Trip Manipulation
If your partner threatens self-harm or drastic actions if you consider breaking up, like saying “If you break up with me, I’m going to hurt/kill myself,” it's a form of emotional manipulation and coercion.
Sexual Pressure
Pressuring you into sexual activities or to send intimate photos, often with phrases like “If you really loved me…” is a clear indicator of abuse.
Threats
Threats can manifest in various ways. For instance, abusers might threaten to reveal a partner’s sexual orientation, particularly if the person has not yet come out as LGBTQ+ to friends or family.
Uncontrolled Anger
An abuser may exhibit severe mood swings, like shifting from calm to furious rapidly (0–100 temper). This could include verbal insults, humiliation, or even physical violence such as pushing, slapping, pinching, or kicking.
Substance Abuse
Abusers might have a history of violence or a fascination with power. If they misuse drugs or alcohol and pressure you to do the same, it is a dangerous sign of potential harm.
Characteristics of Healthy Relationships:
Healthy relationships are built on respect, communication, and shared values. Here are some important characteristics of a healthy partnership:
Mutual Respect
In a healthy relationship, both partners value each other’s time and interests. When differences arise, time should be spent engaging in activities each partner enjoys, and spending time together should feel positive and fulfilling.
Good Communication
Healthy relationships involve open, honest communication. You should feel comfortable expressing your feelings and be able to listen to your partner respectfully. Disagreements should be handled calmly, without insults or belittling.
Safe Boundaries
Healthy boundaries are essential. Both partners should be able to spend time apart, engage in activities they enjoy, and maintain privacy, such as not feeling pressured to share social media passwords or phone access.
Shared Consent
Respecting each other’s feelings and wishes is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Consent must be mutual in all aspects, including physical intimacy, and one partner should never pressure the other into anything they’re uncomfortable with.
Trust Your Gut:
If you feel concerned, scared, or confused by any of the behaviors you’ve observed in your relationship, or if you notice these signs in someone else, it’s crucial to talk about it with a trusted adult. Your safety and well-being come first.
Resources:
If you or someone you know is experiencing dating violence, there are several resources available for support:
National Dating Abuse Helpline
CALL: 1-866-331-9474
CHAT: LoveisRespect.org
TEXT: Text 'LOVEIS' to 22522
Crisis Textline
TEXT: HOME to 741741 to connect with a volunteer Crisis Counselor 24/7
Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
CALL: 988
Dating violence can have severe and long-lasting effects. Recognizing the signs early, maintaining open communication, and seeking help when needed can help break the cycle of abuse and promote healthier, safer relationships. Reach out here if you or your teen are interested in connecting with one of our therapists.
https://www.cdc.gov/intimate-partner-violence/about/about-teen-dating-violence.html
"LGBTQ Issues in Teen Dating Violence" 2015 National Judicial Education Program, Legal Momentum, https://www.legalmomentum.org/sites/default/files/reports/LGBTQ%20Fact%20Sheet%20Final.pdf Ibid.
Coyne-Beasley T, Moracco KE, Casteel MJ. Adolescent Femicide: A Population-Based Study. Arch Pediatric Adolescent Med. 2003;157(4):355–360. doi:10.1001/archpedi.157.4.355